Following the leader, the leader, the leader...

My lead for this week’s blog comes from an article on CNN concerning Robin Williams’ death. It reads, “Comedian Robin Williams' widow, Susan Williams, said she and her husband "were living a nightmare" in the months leading up to his death.”

This lead works because it introduces the person that the article is about right away. Robin Williams was someone who impacted a lot of people, and many were saddened when they heard that he had committed suicide. The subject matter by nature leaves readers wanting to know more. When someone commits suicide, it oftentimes comes as a shock to those who knew that person, and they’re left wanting to know what could have possibly driven the person to take their own life, but they usually don’t get an answer. I think it resonates with a lot of people that Susan can provide some insight on what was going on with Robin.

This week’s editing mistake comes from a job opening that was emailed to everyone at work (we hire internally).

“The Dealer Care Department is hiring for a Dealer Care Representatives. This will be a full time (40 hours) administrative position. Dealer Care Representatives report to Cindy Miller, Dealer Care Department Supervisor. The Dealer Care Department falls under AvantGuard's Dealer Services Group under the supervision of Brek Grover. As a Dealer Care Representative you will work directly with AvantGuard's Dealers and act as a liaison between the Dealer and AvantGuard Monitoring Centers."

The text should say, “The Dealer Care department is looking for a Dealer Care representative. This will be a full-time (40 hours) administrative position. Dealer Care representatives report to Cindy Miller, Dealer Care Department Supervisor. The Dealer Care department falls under AvantGuard's Dealer Services group under the supervision of Brek Grover. As a Dealer Care representative, you will work directly with AvantGuard's dealers and act as a liaison between the dealer and AvantGuard Monitoring Centers.”

The job posting then goes into detail about the eligibility requirements and the tasks the Dealer Care representative will be in charge of. These sections are also full of mistakes, but I’ll stop here.